Divorce and Separation

I can think of many of my friends who's parents have divorced, and many of them have even remarried.  In today's society there more and more divorce's happening.  62% actually.  62% of children who don't live with their biological parent's which means that 38% of children grow up with their biological parent's.  Parenting is a task that is a large load to take on, and it is even harder when you take on step-children.  It is however, not impossible to have a family come together to learn and grow together.  

In the videos that I had to watch this week, they dealt with techniques on how to properly discipline children.  I think that with proper discipline, that the parenting process will be easier especially when step family is involved.  As parent's we first need to recognize our children's needs.  There are four that I will mention, which are: 

1- Power

2- Protection

3- Challenge

4- Belonging/Contact

Once we recognize the need, then the discipline will follow suit.  Our disciplining techniques always need to relate to the thing that needs to be learned.  For example, if a child or teenager isn't on time for curfew, charging them every minute they are late, won't help them change their ways.  A better strategy to use would be to decrease curfew, or having a plan of contact when they are out.  

Elder Dallin H. Oaks an apostle of the Church of Latter-Day Saints gave a talk titled, "Parenting Leadership in the Home." http://www.lds.org/ensign/1985/06/parental-leadership-in-the-family?lang=eng  In it he talks about not becoming discouraged in times of trial.  He also describes how the husband and wife should lead the home in equality.  Both parents need to have an active say in what their children do, the discipline that is enforced, and the decisions that the family makes. When the husband and wife are equal, they are more able to work together to raise a family strong in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

The videos also explained that parent's need to allow the natural consequences that teens make to act as discipline as much as possible, except when its:

 

1-Too Dangerous

2-Too Far in the Future

3-Others are primarily affected

An example of this could be a child wearing something that you disagree with due to whatever reason, however, because of some criticism from friends, they decide that is was indeed a bad idea.  Going and bringing them new clothes will only let them realize that you will always get them out of trouble.  If you let them live with the consequence of their choices, then the less likely they will do it again.

I am grateful that I have the knowledge of eternal families, and that even though divorce may be rampant in today society, families can still be together in happiness.  I found this video about parenting that I will let you watch.  As you watch focus on the spirit that it brings.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cxHd773Ya0 "Parenting Touching the Hearts of our Youth"

I know that I will one day live eternally with my family, and that everyone through the right steps can achieve the same.

Parenting!!

Parenting can be a very scary thing, especially if you haven't had the opportunity to be around children while growing up.   I know that parenting is the best calling that any man or woman can have.  It is hard, but with practice, and some techniques, it will become easier.  

One of the things that children need to feel is a sense of belonging, and that they are needed.  In the parenting videos, Active Parenting Session 4, it mentions that children need to have responsibility.  This responsibility can be given in many ways including:

• A Family Garden
• Daily Chores
• Choices on Decisions Made in the Home
• Follow Ups

Family gardens may seem like a lot of work (and it probably is!) but it is a great way to give a child responsibility of something other than the things that he/she has in possession.  i.e. personal toys, musical instruments, etc.  Giving them the responsibility of watering, hoeing, weeding, or picking the vegetables will help them to understand the love of work, and blessings that come from that work. i.e. food.  

Chores help as well.  When a child has something that he is accountable for like making his/her bed everyday, washing dishes, or other chores that may fit, teach them to start caring about the things that they have contact with.  One thing that I love about chores is that I don't think children should do chores by themselves.  It is a great opportunity to get to know your child better, and create conversation that may not have been mentioned at the dinner table.  It may not have to be a parent, but it can be a sibling or someone else that is close with the child.  

Involving children with decisions made around the house, like what color to paint a room, where should you put the vase of flowers, and how many stones to line your driveway with, will help them to feel needed in the home.  Following up on their chores, and making sure that these things get done is crucial.  We need to do it lovingly and firmly if a child resists.  This follow up, followed up with positive feedback when substantial effort has been portrayed will help the child feel like he is a contributing member in the home.  

We all have needs, and we all need responsibility, so let's give our children responsibilities to feel needed.  

*Jacob 2

*Alma 39-42

*Mormon 8

Fathers ARE important

This week in class we were able to talk about how fathers are important in the home, and in raising their children.  There are many things a father can do to make a closer bond between him and his children.  Church authorities as well as professionals on the website fatherhood.org has explained just how crucial it is that children are being raised with a father figure in their lives. 

Elder Perry an apostle of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints stated that men need to always provide for their wife, and children, and if circumstances permit, to let the wife stay at home and raise their children.  I think that this is wise in that the home is where the majority of the learning should be happening.  Parents should teach their children love, compassion, charity, finances, sex, the meaning of hard work, and many MANY things that can be learned elsewhere.  It is wise counsel to teach our children rather than having other kids in school teach them skewed concepts that could harm their faith. 

On the website, fatherhod.org, gave some great examples of what fathers need to do to ensure that they are on the steps to becoming an involved father in wife.  In the article, '5 Questions Fathers Should Ask Themselves," it said that fathers need to control their emotions, and be positive role models to their children.  The boys should want to be like their fathers, and girls should look for attributes in guys she dates that correlate to her dads example.  It also stated that the father needs to use love instead of punishment when dealing with disciple.  Punishment that is harsh, and unnecessary will take the children away from the things that they are supposed to be doing, and rebel.  Discipline that is firm, yet caring will get the message of love across. 

I am grateful for the information that we have been given to know that fathers are important in a families life.  They are not just there to work, and to make things, and fix things, but to raise and be an active part of their children's life.  Father's are important, and in a world that is filled with sin, need much loving guidance to lead away from the temptations that will be thrown at them. 

So let's get to work!